There are two popular definitions of strength, of what it means to be a strong person. Unfortunately, to someone who values one of these definitions, someone who values the other is probably going to look weak.

When you see someone described as “showing strength” or “being strong”, consider that this says much about the person saying it and what they value, and relatively little about some objective “strength” possessed by another.

The two types of strength are external and internal.

External strength is the ability to impose your will upon others. It is aggression, dominance, lacking constraints. The externally strong person does what they want, and others have to react to that.

Internal strength is the ability to impose your will upon yourself. It is self-control, composure, and restraint. The internally stong person knows what they want, and others cannot move them from that.

If you value external strength, someone who possesses internal strength may look like they’re weak because they aren’t pushing at others. They may take provocations and turn the other cheek, rather than striking back. Who could be strong if others do not fear them?

If you value internal strength, someone who possesses external strength may look like they’re weak because they don’t control themself. They may seem transparently insecure, lashing out at others because they fear their own weaknesses. Who could be strong if they’re controlled by their own fears?

This is a false choice, of course. The external strength and internal strength aren’t mutually exclusive. Someone with self-confidence and control can turn that outwards, and this strength of purpose can let them move others and accomplish great things.

So isn’t it a shame when someone so unbalanced has so much power over us all?